penat

penat aku mencari jawapan...letih dgn kemalasan diri sendiri.

lame tak tak berhujah dekat dlm blog...idea xde...

hidup...semakin...ok..la kot.

tapi family..ku...sedang porak peranda...damn...kesian aku tgk mak aku tu.

insya'allah...aku akan jadi anak yg terbaik..amin.

lydia - hailey with lyrics

Yeah, I got what I wanted

They bled out my organs

They cut me wide open till I grinned

Guess it’s time

Doctors came right in

Said he most likely won’t win

But who the hell am I?

Spent my life in the midwest

Hailey, if you’re out there

I wish you all the very best, dear

Yeah, got me away from there

And Hailey, if you’re out there

I hope you made it through December

Yeah, that seems like such a blur

It was always the same shit

At that damn apartment

Yeah baseline took its toll, took its toll

It’s my fault

She loved those nights when

We’d breathe up that black air

Yeah, come on tell me how, tell me how

I’m not underground

Hailey, if you’re out there

I wish you all the very best, dear

Yeah, got me away from there

And Hailey, if you’re out there

I hope you made it through December

Yeah, that seems like such a blur

Wretchedness of love

The wretchedness lives in my heart forever
Contentment is just for one moment
As I look into your depressing eyes
I only saw odium burning fiercely in it.

Love is for fragile people
Once you be keen on someone
It will be very hard to disregard
Why do love that I feel for you?

Even the night turns to day
I’m still thinking of you…
People say that I am not fit for
A beautiful angel like you…

So let it be…
Even if the reality hurts me..
I will still love you…
Even if you does not know..

If I sleep I will think of you
And only you is in my mind
And my wish went I wake up
Is to have a happy ending with you…

An angel like you…
Is very hard to come by..
But why do you have to come into my life?
Thinking of you, is just making my life worst day after day..

Every time I try to forget you
The picture of you still playing in my mind…
Is this what you call love?
Is this the feeling when you start to fall in love with someone?

People laugh went I say I’m in love
It’s a lie they say..
It’s a joke for them..
It just making me even hates love…

This is how I feel about love.
Love is precious for someone…
But not for me…
For me love is dreadful, it all a recline,

I’m afraid to fall in love
I’m afraid that I will break someone’s heart,
I hate to see other people hurt
Just because what I did to them..

I odium to see moan of the person that I love
Falls to the ground..
Having a broken heart is agonizing..
It’s painful….

So in the end..
There’s no happy ending for me..
I and myself is happy
And that’s all I want….

So I will throw the feeling
That I once have for you
And I will try to forget you
Even it takes a hundred year

*the first thing i ever wrote..this is from a 2006 i think..can't really remember..

Bruno Mars - count on me

Awesome song.

if only i.. part 2

To be honest, my life...isn't that great.. I don't consider..it as good either...my life...is like a piece of trash...waiting to be thrown away.. I'm not..capable on keeping my life as i want it to be. Half of my life is only fantasy...something that i made up each and everytime i think. Reality is just a side effect..from my fantasy. Imagination is my only friend. Where ever i go..it will acompany me. I'm only happy in fantasy...in reality i'm just a boring person to talk to..

if only..i..

I always wonder..if i were never been born in this world, or maybe i was born as a bird..i.might have fly all..over the world.. I just might...die...or be killed by hunters..or stuck in a trap somewhere..who knows..but..i'm just wondering..i'm lucky to have such a bless life. Wonderful mom. She's the greatest. My big brother..hmm..not sure about him..hehehe..n my lovely little sister..she's always on my mind.. I always worried about her. But sometimes i do feel down about myself. I feel like i'm useless in my family. I can't even help them..

to be continue..

regret

To think
It was the last time I saw you
I knew you were fading
I saw the pain etched on your face
Though you tried to hide it
And yet you were optimistic
You lived a full life
You were ready to pass on

I was distant that day
I didn’t want to get too close
Only to have you taken away

Your time had come and you went peacefully
I shed no tears
Your pain was finally gone
And yet the emptiness is unbearable
Why am I so cold
Even to the ones I love
How selfish to be so afraid of the pain of loss
That I don’t want to get close to you
Even on your death bed
I’d rather stay in my own world
Pretend it’s not happening
Pretend I’ll see you again
That you’ll somehow pull through
Even though the doctors sadly shook their head

You accepted your fate, why can’t I?
Because it’s not fair
Why you?
You’re so innocent
You don’t deserve this
I can’t accept it
Because I love you
Because I cannot imagine life without you

Now, after all those years
I realize it’s better to savor the moment
Knowing it will not last
Than to let it pass

But it’s too late now
Because that was the time I saw you
For the last time