regret

To think
It was the last time I saw you
I knew you were fading
I saw the pain etched on your face
Though you tried to hide it
And yet you were optimistic
You lived a full life
You were ready to pass on

I was distant that day
I didn’t want to get too close
Only to have you taken away

Your time had come and you went peacefully
I shed no tears
Your pain was finally gone
And yet the emptiness is unbearable
Why am I so cold
Even to the ones I love
How selfish to be so afraid of the pain of loss
That I don’t want to get close to you
Even on your death bed
I’d rather stay in my own world
Pretend it’s not happening
Pretend I’ll see you again
That you’ll somehow pull through
Even though the doctors sadly shook their head

You accepted your fate, why can’t I?
Because it’s not fair
Why you?
You’re so innocent
You don’t deserve this
I can’t accept it
Because I love you
Because I cannot imagine life without you

Now, after all those years
I realize it’s better to savor the moment
Knowing it will not last
Than to let it pass

But it’s too late now
Because that was the time I saw you
For the last time