lydia - hailey with lyrics

Yeah, I got what I wanted

They bled out my organs

They cut me wide open till I grinned

Guess it’s time

Doctors came right in

Said he most likely won’t win

But who the hell am I?

Spent my life in the midwest

Hailey, if you’re out there

I wish you all the very best, dear

Yeah, got me away from there

And Hailey, if you’re out there

I hope you made it through December

Yeah, that seems like such a blur

It was always the same shit

At that damn apartment

Yeah baseline took its toll, took its toll

It’s my fault

She loved those nights when

We’d breathe up that black air

Yeah, come on tell me how, tell me how

I’m not underground

Hailey, if you’re out there

I wish you all the very best, dear

Yeah, got me away from there

And Hailey, if you’re out there

I hope you made it through December

Yeah, that seems like such a blur

Wretchedness of love

The wretchedness lives in my heart forever
Contentment is just for one moment
As I look into your depressing eyes
I only saw odium burning fiercely in it.

Love is for fragile people
Once you be keen on someone
It will be very hard to disregard
Why do love that I feel for you?

Even the night turns to day
I’m still thinking of you…
People say that I am not fit for
A beautiful angel like you…

So let it be…
Even if the reality hurts me..
I will still love you…
Even if you does not know..

If I sleep I will think of you
And only you is in my mind
And my wish went I wake up
Is to have a happy ending with you…

An angel like you…
Is very hard to come by..
But why do you have to come into my life?
Thinking of you, is just making my life worst day after day..

Every time I try to forget you
The picture of you still playing in my mind…
Is this what you call love?
Is this the feeling when you start to fall in love with someone?

People laugh went I say I’m in love
It’s a lie they say..
It’s a joke for them..
It just making me even hates love…

This is how I feel about love.
Love is precious for someone…
But not for me…
For me love is dreadful, it all a recline,

I’m afraid to fall in love
I’m afraid that I will break someone’s heart,
I hate to see other people hurt
Just because what I did to them..

I odium to see moan of the person that I love
Falls to the ground..
Having a broken heart is agonizing..
It’s painful….

So in the end..
There’s no happy ending for me..
I and myself is happy
And that’s all I want….

So I will throw the feeling
That I once have for you
And I will try to forget you
Even it takes a hundred year

*the first thing i ever wrote..this is from a 2006 i think..can't really remember..

Bruno Mars - count on me

Awesome song.

if only i.. part 2

To be honest, my life...isn't that great.. I don't consider..it as good either...my life...is like a piece of trash...waiting to be thrown away.. I'm not..capable on keeping my life as i want it to be. Half of my life is only fantasy...something that i made up each and everytime i think. Reality is just a side effect..from my fantasy. Imagination is my only friend. Where ever i go..it will acompany me. I'm only happy in fantasy...in reality i'm just a boring person to talk to..

if only..i..

I always wonder..if i were never been born in this world, or maybe i was born as a bird..i.might have fly all..over the world.. I just might...die...or be killed by hunters..or stuck in a trap somewhere..who knows..but..i'm just wondering..i'm lucky to have such a bless life. Wonderful mom. She's the greatest. My big brother..hmm..not sure about him..hehehe..n my lovely little sister..she's always on my mind.. I always worried about her. But sometimes i do feel down about myself. I feel like i'm useless in my family. I can't even help them..

to be continue..

regret

To think
It was the last time I saw you
I knew you were fading
I saw the pain etched on your face
Though you tried to hide it
And yet you were optimistic
You lived a full life
You were ready to pass on

I was distant that day
I didn’t want to get too close
Only to have you taken away

Your time had come and you went peacefully
I shed no tears
Your pain was finally gone
And yet the emptiness is unbearable
Why am I so cold
Even to the ones I love
How selfish to be so afraid of the pain of loss
That I don’t want to get close to you
Even on your death bed
I’d rather stay in my own world
Pretend it’s not happening
Pretend I’ll see you again
That you’ll somehow pull through
Even though the doctors sadly shook their head

You accepted your fate, why can’t I?
Because it’s not fair
Why you?
You’re so innocent
You don’t deserve this
I can’t accept it
Because I love you
Because I cannot imagine life without you

Now, after all those years
I realize it’s better to savor the moment
Knowing it will not last
Than to let it pass

But it’s too late now
Because that was the time I saw you
For the last time

in love

The way I blush when I think of you,
The way I smile when I remember your words-
The way I almost wanna pass out when someone mentions you-
The way I wanna go to bed early,
Just so I can dream of you-


The way I wanna hold your hand,
The way I write your name on my schoolpapers-
The way I wish I shared every class with you,
The way my heart beats faster,
And the way I feel when I imagine you with me-


I'm just like every other girl,
Who's ever wanted to be held by someone else-
And I'm just like every story,
Hoping for a love-filled ending-


Because I'm human too,
And I somehow still feel-
After all I've been through,
I still feel love-


So we look like Sid and Nancy,
Walking together hand-in-hand-
And I couldn't have been happier,
The night we met-


Already sharing our life stories,
I'm not alone anymore-
And I love you,
And you love me too...

is it love?

If I hugged you,
would you never let go?

If I kissed you,
would you cherish that moment?

If I reached for your hand,
would you take mine gently?

If I needed a shoulder,
would you let me cry on yours?

If I needed to talk,
would you really listen?

If I needed to scream,
would you do it with me?

If I needed to go,
would you come with me?

If I fell for you,
would you catch me?
or just let me hit the pavement?

eyes sets to kill

Went i look at a girl, my focus is only on her eyes. I don't know why, maybe its because the eyes showed the true side if that person for me, i'm not sure about others.. Went you talk to someone, you look at their eyes rite? For sure you won't look at the mouth. Cause if the person that you are talking at, looks away. Thats mean, he or she must be keeping a secret from you.

follow me

follow me on twitter..

@boredhuan


:P

atas dasar kawan

hari tu..aku nie..punya la baik hati..nk tolong member aku buat bisnes... Ader la hamba allah tu. dia nak buat bisnes fiber, ok la aku tolong..sebab aku pun xbekerja. dia janji dekat aku macam2.. aku ye kan ajer..sebab pikir member... aku sanggup tdo dekat rumah dia hari2...siap bersih kan lagi..pergh..memang baik hati la aku ni... aku xmintak apa2 pun. dia cuma janji nk bayar aku...kalau aku tolong siap kan set2 fiber..ok la. tapi hari tu..ada la hal..pulak....member aku nie..gaduh dgn member aku sorg nie... tiba2 plak..jd perang besar...damn. aku pulak jd org tgh...dua2 pun member aku..so nk di jadi kan citer..member aku yg sorang lg nie...ajak la aku...keje dgn dia...aku ok jer..janji aku ader keje...sudah. xkisah la keje ape..janji halal. so skang nie..aku dh keje dgn member aku...pulak ada citer yg xbest plak. member aku yg buat bisnes fiber tu ada buat hal..dgn member2 aku yg lain. pasal duit..la..aku pun x amik port sgt..yg xbest nye...nama aku up pulak..damn it.. dia boleh citer kat org yg aku nie...xreti buat kerja..la...itu la , ini la.. yg paling buat aku sedih...dia ckp aku mintak duit dekat dia hari2...bila masa pulak. aku kalau xde duit pun aku diam je. dh la aku menumpang dekat rumah dia..lepas tu..dia ckp mcm nie pulak..sedih giler aku...dia buat aku nie..mcm org mintak sedekah pulak...citer nie pun aku dpt tau dari org yg gaduh dgn member aku nie.. xpe la...dh nasib org nk buat aku mcm nie..aku xkisah pun...dh biasa... Xpe la..satu hari nanti dia terima balasan..yg penting...aku happy dgn keje aku skang nie..biar la kena redah lumpur ke..panjat..bangunan ke..janji..aku happy..hmmm

nice song..

loser

aku rasa down gila hari nie..rasa cam bodoh jer..umur dh 27...apa pun xde..member2 aku semua dh happy dh dgn life diorg..ader yg dh kawin..ada dh ada anak..aku..nie..habuk pun xde..malu siot..org lain kerja bagus2..aku nie..keje..pun..xtetap...nie pun...member aku yg tarik aku keje dgn dia.. memang pening skit la keje dia...tapi..ader future.. entah la..aku takut..future aku.. je yg xde...agak nye..nie la..dia contoh loser..aku..huan. i hate myself...for not trying hard enough. i should have everything i wanted in front of me..but no..i keep fucking it all up...damn..

me

As i sit..here..alone..thinking..about..my life..there's nothing. Future..as i know it..gone..time's ticking...days...changes..as i sleep...no more...smile..for me..just sadness..n sorrow...once..there was a time went..i have everything..now..i only have..my soul..n pride...wish..the..wave..can swept me away..drowning me..in the deep dark sea...

facts about me

Facts about me.

1. I'm 26..years old.
2. I don't have..my own transportation.
3. I just got a new job (keje dekat tapak construction..xlama lagi gelap la aku..huhu)
4. I don't have life insurance...
5. No savings in my bank.
6. No girlfriend.

To sums up everything about me is..i'm a LOSER. Haha..n i still find it funny.

i dream about her..

Last night..i felt..a little bit..happy..cause..i called her..it's been awhile..seens i hear a voice..feels like all my problem..gone..for a second..n thats enough for me. Would like to call her again...but..i'm afraid i might..disturb her..so..i guess i called her again one day.. i just want to wish her..the best..in life.. 7/12/11

my dark future...

i'm still wondering what am i going to be...in the future...with no money...no girlfriend...no jobs..i feel like..i'm fading away...the future seems dark for me. i always thought that i can be more active in my life pursuing something that can make me happy, but i guess not..maybe i will die alone...n know one will remember me..not even my name. they will be like "who's huan? never heard of him before". but it's the future i'm talking about rite. you don't know what will happen to you to rite. so i better just go with the flow..and hopefully i fill up my empty spaces with things that i love. putting colors on a white canvas. it's "LIVE OR DIE" for me.

26/11/1985

the day that I've born to this world..thanks mom. since i was little...i was a very...fun...n sometimes...can be a little bit annoying..hehehe. But after a few years...I've grown to be a boy...then a man..it's a hard evolution for me...trying to do my best to change for my family...n for myself.. me..huan.. anyway...happy birthday to me.

lepak - lepak..

hari2..skang aku lepak kat puchong..rumah member aku...buat custom fiber set..utk..moto...agak bosan..la jugak...sebab kekadang...sorang2..je lepak kat saner...member2..lain semua bz...dh la internet xde...pergh...lagi la bosan..boleh pecah kepala...nasib la..ade mp3 aku..boleh la layan lagu jugak...kekadang tu aku kacau la jugak...member2 aku...main miss call2...pulak...hahaha..mcm gay la pulak...chois...tu la..dulu masa ader...gf..xnk jaga btol2...skang melopong..je la...update twitter hari2..pun xguna...mengarut je keje aku kat twitter..tapi nk buat mcm ner...semua nye salah aku gak...tapi xpe..belajar dari kesilapan..kekadang tu aku balik umah aku jugak...rindu kat adik aku..tu...kesian pulak....dia tinggal sorang2...kat umah..aper2..pun..aku tetap aku.. akan terus cuba menjadi lebih baik...xkisah la..mati sorang2...pun xpe...janji aku happy...hehe... salam.

happy & sad..

nothing much to say...haven't post anything yet...until..now. currently i'm working...with my friend... customizing bike set..kind of fun..but still need to learn more...the sad thing is..i don't have my bike anymore..damn...miss..my mini bike....that's all for..now...can't think..clearly...so sleepy...nite..

the room..the sun and the sky

our life is fill with empty spaces..

we need to fill it with the right things..

or maybe..the right someone...

for me, i fill it with dreams..and hopes,

but it doesn't seems to work at all.

Dreams only can't help me..

hoping..for somethings to come..

it doesn't work either..

i'm to lazy to do anything about my life.

just sit and wait for my life to change itself..

a useless act that needs to be erase from myself..

...

can't sleep

as usual...i can't sleep..and it's sunday morning. it's 3.30 am, n it's raining..damn...it's not new.. actually...i'm use to sleep late...so so late...hehe..plan to ride this morning..n i think...i have to cancel it.  

I could fall asleep now but stay awake,

yawning, heavy eyed, I stare at the ceiling.

I dont want to be here, it is an obtuse pain;

a mix of comfort, anxiety and restlessness.

This is a torture I cant escape and I must suffer alone.

The dreams have started again.

Its like my little holiday... from everything,

they feel like they last for hours but in reality only a few minutes has passed.

Its all so vivid and in reach but by the time my eyes reopen, nearly all of it is lost.

I follow the rules to the letter

it feels so real, so I forget its me whos in control,

that it is me who is god.

No one is at the steering wheel,

so I fall into nightmare.

Even my only sanctuary betrays me, suffering those same flaws;

susceptible and vulnerable to chaos.

An iron garden washed in tints of brown,

ruled by the tyranny of marionette strings,

obscured in white noise,

blemished with melancholy.

Within a weak white light I'll hide in the company of the blonde figure.

I want to stay here, its getting harder to find this place.

Each time it feels like the last.

Here, I get to see your face,

here, I can touch you and feel your warmth,

here, you are real to me even if you are a fabrication.

It doesnt matter, its enough to want me to stay.

If only there was a way

Could one relinquish this realm to live in a sandbox dominion of his own creation.

Would it be accepted? Would it be allowed? Could you let me go so I can find solace?

Can i hide within a broke record and freeze the world for this?

To live a lie to bring a smile.

An arrogence to sheild out the sorrow.

This curious nature spites me. Ii travel deeper down the rabbit hole.

How deep does it go. what haapens next.

I am curious.... it shall be the death of me as like the cat which came previous.

I am cold, tired, and lost.

I grovel to myself to find the solution but as an oxymoron of the psyche,

myself shall keep it, aswell as the world I reside in;

and I will continue to search.

..... I can't sleep

ARGHHH!!!!!!!

stress.....FUCK!!!...

Far East Movement - Rocketeer ft. Ryan Tedder

nice song...

here we go, come with me

there’s a world out there that we should see

take my hand, close your eyes

with you right here, a rocketeer

let’s fly

fly, fly, fly

up, up here we go, go, up up here we go go

let’s fly (fly fly fly)

up, up here we go, go, up, up, here we go go

where we stop, nobody knows

where we go, we don’t need roads

’cause where we stop, nobody knows

to the stars, if you really want it

(got) got a jetpack with your name on it

above the clouds and the atmosphere

say the words and we’re outta here

hold my hand if you’re feeling scared (scared)

here we go, come with me

there’s a world out there that we should see

take my hand, close your eyes

with you right here, a rocketeer

let’s fly

baby, we can stay fly like a g6

shop the streets of tokyo, get your fly kicks

girl you’re always on mind, got my head up in the sky

and i’m never looking down, i’m feeling priceless

where we’re at, only few have known

(…) super mario

i hope this works out, (cardio)

’til then let’s fly

headache..

broken me

To much to think...right now... what am i going to do...in the future....i feel like a broken tv. just came back...home...hanging out with a few friends of mine. seeing how happy their are. it just..making me sad inside. i know that everybody have their own problem.. but i feel like..my problem...is like the end of the world....don't know la..

life goes on..

i just want to scream out load...just to let all the stress..the burden i've been carrying all my life...wanted to feel relax and calm.. wanted to have a peace and hushed life...maybe i can't have it all...at least i have my life to live on..hmmm..

Silversun Pickups - Little Lover's So Polite

So much for the light show
Pissing on while pissing off
Sucking in a smokescreen
Selling of a loose knit dream

Folding up the skyline
Agreeing on a steep decline
Cant control this airplane
Being caught is just the same
Headed for a lowlife
Little lover's so polite
Waking up the core needs
With smelling salts and faulty means

Did the bones collide
Who let the bones collide
Why did the bones collide

([Nikki:] it's always the same way for me
Ending in the same way.)

So much for the showdown
Keeping up while keeping off
Choking on the cold feet
Rolling up the plastic sleeves
Can't control the slow ride
Little lover's so polite
Turning off the low light
Tell me did the bones collide
The bones collide
The bones collide
Little lover's so polite
So polite
So polite
Turning off the low light

([Nikki:] it's always the same way for me
Blue turns soft with time
Broke remains, an everyday disguise
Ending in the same way. . .the same way)

Tell me did the bones collide
The bones collide
The bones collide
Little lover's so polite
So polite
So polite 

silversun pickups - panic switch

Time

It's not worth my time

Blue shine bleeds into my eyes

I still

Sleep on the right side

Of the white noise

Can't leave the scene behind

Could I be anything you want me to be

It's always meant to be seen

[Chorus:]

When you see yourself in a crowded room?

Do your fingers itch? Are you pistol-whipped?

Do you step in line or release the glitch?

Can you fall asleep with a panic switch?

When you see yourself in a crowded room,

Do your fingers itch? Are you pistol whipped?

Do you step in line or release the glitch?

Do you think she'll sleep with a panic?

And I'll try to hold on tight tonight.

Pink slip, inviting me inside.

I want to burn skin and brand what once was mine,

But the red news came ripping in to fight.

If I go anywhere that you want me to go,

How do I know you'll still follow?

[Chorus]

I'm waiting and fading and floating away

I'm waiting and fading and floating away

I'm waiting and fading and floating away

I'm waiting and fading and floating away

I'm waiting and fading and floating away

Waiting and fading and floating away

Waiting and fading and floating away

Waiting and fading and flailing and fading

[Chorus] 

company perhaps

me n my two friends, wan and nuzole is trying to set up a company. started a few days back. actually what we are selling is carbon fiber product for Kawasaki ksr parts. i've actually join this club myksr last year. We trying to make something that is rare to find cheap n nice to use. custom parts for the bike. hopefully will be a great success. here's a picure of my bike.

me n photoshop. (old pic)

Morning

suka.suka

just me

hell n me

hmm

Aku Mohd Ridhuan, wan, huan, ape lagi panggilan yang diberi, dilahirkan 26 november 1985. Umur aku dah 26 tahun. tapi tak ada satu benda yang boleh aku banggakan, it's sucks to be me. terlalu banyak kesalahan yang aku dah buat, aku rasa macam tak berguna, mati itu aku, itu yang selalu bermain dalam kepala otak aku sekarang ni. aku rasa macam seorang anak yang tak berguna. apa tah lagi sebagai seorang kawan. aku malu nak berdepan dengan orang lain. apa yang aku nak luahkan pun susah aku nak cakap. dalam hati aku ni hanya ada satu benda. mati...mati..mati...aku nak bagi segala-galanya dekat keluarga ku. dekat kawan-kawan ku, tapi tak boleh.  aku rasa bodoh, sebab aku sendiri ak berusaha, aku bukan cacat, aku tak terencat, tapi aku samakan diri aku ni, macam orang gila, kadang-kadang, aku rasa macam nak masuk ke wad orang gila, biar je aku dekat situ, tak payah nak jengok-jengok aku. biar aku mati dekat situ. tu je permintaan aku. aku tak tahan dah dengan suasana kehidupan aku sekarang nie. this is my last wish.

till the day that i die

smoking some cigarette to release some tension,
filling my lung with poison that will kill me,
it's easy, just inhale and puff out the smoke,
it's like oxygen, it's like my life,
alone in my own darkroom,
waiting for my angel of death to take me away,

the sun doesn't shine on me no more,
the moon just hide away when i go out at night,
the rain keeps pouring down on me,
washing away my sins,
washing away my past memories,
erasing me from history,

I've broken my own heart,
shatter into a thousand pieces,
i carried with me a shovel,
so that i could dig my own grave,
where my body will lay down,
not in peace, not in harmony,

sorrow is my friend,
demon is my company,
i don't wish for more time,
i don't wish for forgiveness,
i just wish that i won't be remember,
but it's just till the day that i die...

it's a hard life

damn...i'm thorn between life n death. so many things run in my fucking brain. so hard for me to explain. there's no love for me. hope for a happy ending, not going to. i fuck my own life up, wish i was dead.

mental disorder

life from my point of view is really simple. live your life, or your life will live you.
there is so many thing that i see, that i feel, always teaching me to be better, to be good,
but sometimes i ignore the facts that i am fading away from my own life. maybe i'm just living
in my own fantasy i guess. i thought that i've try my very best to do something good in my life,
but honestly, i didn't try at all. i was to busy with my day dreaming that i lost track of time,
up until now, i didn't achive anything in my life.

will continue..later.